


oh baby, look what you've started

by jinxfabray



Category: Mamamoo
Genre: F/F, I love these losers, They are so in love, hwasa and wheein are obnoxiously in love, uh fluff, very light angst, yet another fake dating au, yongsun is oblivious af until she isn't
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-17
Updated: 2016-12-17
Packaged: 2018-09-09 05:42:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8878153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jinxfabray/pseuds/jinxfabray
Summary: in which yongsun gets tired of her friends being grossly in love, and decides the best way to show them how annoying they're being is by pretending to be grossly in love herself.





	

**Author's Note:**

> thanks to sara for betaing, and to her and jasmine for being the absolute best always and at all times.
> 
> title from ariana grande's into you.

for approximately fifteen minutes after hyejin breaks the news, yongsun is beyond happy for her friends. they’ve been grossly in love for ages now, so the fact that her and wheein finally got their shit together and started dating is a matter of celebration.

however, now yongsun has to deal with them actually being a couple, and she couldn’t have imagined the hell it would be. it's nice to know they feel enough at ease around her, byul, and most of their staff to be so extra with their pda, and she gets that they don't get to be like this in public and that's probably a big part of why they're so clingy in private but still. they could tone it down a little. 

“i’m gonna spray them with water next time i catch wheein doing that again,” she groans as she walks into her and byul’s room, fuming. “honestly, they get to share a room in this very nice hotel with doors and walls, surely they can keep it over their clothes when they're not in it?”

yongsun flops face first onto the bed, byul’s laughter approaching her. 

“you're being a bit oversensitive about this, unnie,” byul says, but she sits by her and reaches out to stroke her hair when yongsun doesn't move, face buried against the pillow. “it isn't their fault if you haven't gotten laid in forever.”

at this yongsun swats her arm with as much strength as she can muster, letting out a loud, long whine. 

“i hate you,” she groans because the worst part is she can't even tell her she's wrong about it. “why aren't they bothering you at all, i am honestly traumatized and you're not even batting an eyelash.”

“they're happy, unnie,” byul says and it's so soft yongsun feels bad for a second, but then she remembers wheein’s hand coming out from under hyejin’s shirt when they heard her walking in five minutes ago and she's back to groaning. 

“i love that they're happy, i just wish they'd realize we need some boundaries, but i suggested it and they both laughed at me,” yongsun doesn't mean to sound so offended but also she can't help herself. the disrespect she has to deal with on a daily basis is honestly outrageous. 

“the more you make a fuss about it, the less prone to stopping they are,” byul hums, her long fingers massaging yongsun’s scalp so deliciously she's actually starting to relax. “are you sure you don’t mind the bed thing, unnie,” byul asks after a long silence, and yongsun opens one eye to see her chewing on her bottom lip like she’s somehow nervous about this.

“yah, it’s fine,” she says frowning and shaking her head a little to encourage byul to go back to moving her fingers through her hair. it’s a silly thing, really, but with hyejin subtly getting their manager to /accidentally/ mess up the reservation so she could get a king size with her girlfriend, they’d all ended up getting a single bed per room. it’s a big bed, though, and yongsun doesn’t mind one bit. “it’s not the first time we’re sharing a bed, and i promise i will stick to my own side this time if that’s worrying you.”

she means for it to be a joke, a reminder of that one time in a tiny hotel in hong kong when they had to share a bed and she woke up holding byul with legs and arms like a baby octopus, but byul makes a sort of strangled noise that doesn’t sound a lot like laughing and shakes her head hastily. 

“it’s okay, i’m fine if you’re fine,” she says, nodding as she stumbles to her feet. “i’m going to take a shower before bed, you don’t have to wait up for me.”

“alright,” yongsun says sitting up a little, giving her an odd look that byul doesn’t see because her eyes are fixed on the floor as she gathers her clothes and bathroom kit. the door closes behind her, and yongsun drops back on the bed with a sigh. they’re all a bit tired, that’s surely it.

  
  


 

the idea comes to her as they’re having breakfast the following morning, byul sipping on her coffee with her eyes still shut. despite her promise, yongsun had once again turned clingy in her sleep, but byul had patted her head softly to wake her up, making no comment on it, and all the awkwardness seems to have evaporated.

what hasn’t gone away, sadly, is how far from subtle wheein is being about playing footsie with hyejin under the table and giggling like an idiot. yongsun loves them, she does, and she’s very happy that they are happy, but it is half past six in the morning and she is not in the mood for this. she must stop them, somehow.

byul yawns, blinking sleepily, and she looks so darn cute yongsun will claim later that it was part of her big masterplan, but the truth is, she’s not even thinking about it when she leans in and presses a kiss on her cheek.

“ah, unnie,” byul frowns, swatting at her, but there’s no heat to any of it. she’s too tired for any of it, clearly, because she gives up soon and when yongsun scoots up closer and rests her head on her shoulder, she doesn’t even flinch. “don’t be weird, unnie,” she mumbles, but she’s already back to chewing on her muffin like this is something she can get used to.

“why are you being gross,” hyejin asks, an eyebrow raised that yongsun pretends not to see as she closes her eyes and nuzzles byul’s neck. she feels her stiffen under her touch, but it only lasts a second.

“i’m not being anything,” she hums quietly. byul smells really nice, and it’s comfortable here on the crook of her neck. yongsun thinks she might actually fall asleep again if byul keeps staying as still as she has so far. “you’re not the only ones who get to be grossly affectionate, you know.”

wheein snorts from the other side of the table, as if there was anything funny in yongsun deciding to be cute and touchy with someone.

“is unnie jealous, perhaps? needing a little help in the heart department?” she says, and yongsun’s eyes shoot up open at this, huffing at the disrespect and lifting her head so she can glare properly.

“unnie is going to kick you in the knee,” byul sing-songs, and there’s a hint of a smirk playing at her mouth that gives yongsun her most brilliant idea. the ultimate masterplan. 

“i’ll have you know, my heart is doing rather well,” she says, kicking byul under the table as subtly as she can manage. there’s a lot to be said about how she doesn’t yelp, only looks at her curiously. it’s all it takes for yongsun to trust she’ll play along, so she goes on to say boldly, “ain’t that right, baby.”

the silence that follows is deafening, and though it lasts exactly two seconds, it feels like a billion years to yongsun, her eyes staring intensely at byul’s, desperately begging for her to get this could be the best, biggest prank they ever play on their friends, and it might even release them from the pda that’s been torturing yongsun for days now.

she’s looking at her too carefully not to notice the five different shades of pink that color byul’s face in the span of a second, her eyes going wide and then squinting at her like the message is finally getting through.

“unnie, we weren’t going to tell anyone yet,” she says in an almost whisper that’s so dramatic yongsun could actually kiss her right now, because it’s perfect, and the looks of disbelief she’s been getting from across the table turn into something closer to shock.

“what the fuck,” wheein lets out, and hyejin is still eyeing them like she’s not fully buying it. that’s alright. they have plenty of time to convince them. “you two-”

their manager walks by their table, saying something about having to head out soon and packing and other things byul nods fervently at as she stands up, grabbing yongsun’s hand.

“we gotta go pack, unnie, come on,” she says, barely looking at her as she drags her straight into the elevator. yongsun really wishes she would at least spare her a glance so she could know how she’s feeling because the hold on her wrist is tight enough that she worries byul might be mad at her for having sprung this dumb thing on her like that. byul stares at her feet until the elevator’s door closes, and only then does she look up, letting out a breath. “what the fuck indeed, unnie?” she asks, but she’s looking at yongsun and she doesn’t sound like she’s going to kick her so maybe it’s okay.

“please date me,” yongsun sputters out, and then she covers her mouth with her hand because god that is not what she meant to say. “i mean, please fake date me? ugh, i’m sorry, but we were sitting there and they were being so grossly in love and then wheein said - and i just. ah. i’m sorry?” she offers hesitantly, watching byul’s unreadable expression and chewing nervously on her lip.

“so we’re pranking them?” byul says slowly, because of course she understood what yongsun was getting at. this is why she’s the perfect person for her to fake date. it’ll be almost like it’s real, with how in sync they always are. “hm. it could be fun.”

“so you’re up for it?” yongsun asks, a little too excited about it. just in case, she pouts a tiny bit, and the last drops of hesitance in byul’s face wash away at that. she’s so weak for yongsun’s pout, it works like magic every single time and yongsun isn’t afraid to use and abuse that power she has over her. “i promise we don’t have to do anything weird, just. you know, what we usually do, except a bit more touching?”

she could swear byul’s breath hitches when she says that, but then she’s nodding and yongsun forgets all about it.

“alright, unnie,” byul says, offering a tiny smile. “if it’ll make you happy, i’m always up for fun pranks.”

“ah, you’re the best,” yongsun says, and just because they need to start practicing, she throws her arms around her. “can i call you baby or are you always going to look like i dumped a bucket of cold water on you when i do?” she asks, voice muffled since she’s buried her face in byul’s neck once again. 

byul’s breath definitely hitches now, and they’re going to have to work on her having more natural responses to yongsun touching her, really. 

“i’ll get used to it,” byul says, resigned as she puts an arm around her, keeping her close until there’s a ping and the door opens up, forcing them to separate. they walk into their room and yongsun waits for byul to take a shower, lies on her back on their bed, staring at the ceiling as if it has any answers.

“we should kiss,” she says sitting up too fast and making herself dizzy the second byul is out of the bathroom, her hair in a towel balancing precariously over her head. byul looks like she’s made her a bit dizzy, too. “for practice. they’re not gonna believe it if we never kiss in front of them.”

byul doesn’t say anything, moving quietly to the bed, looking like she’s giving it some thought and boy, does yongsun love her best friend. she’ll say yes to anything yongsun asks of her, and yongsun doesn’t know why, but it’s such a lovely thing to have in her life. 

“have you ever kissed a girl,” byul asks slowly, turning to look at her, and her eyes are a little sparkly in a way yongsun can’t quite figure out, but it’s pretty. 

“no, but it can’t be that different from kissing a boy, right?” she reasons, crawling over the bed on all fours until she gets to the far away corner byul sat at, nudging her shoulder with her nose. “it’ll be fun, come on. i won’t bite, i promise.”

byul shudders visibly at that, but she also laughs, and yongsun thinks those two things must have been related, somehow.

“fuck,” byul sort of mumbles under her breath, turning so she’s facing her. “ah, fuck. okay, if that’s what you want.”

(yongsun kisses her first boy at the sweet age of fifteen. it’s chaste, short, and it leaves her feeling accomplished. there’s no fireworks, no warm feeling spreading through her body, there’s just a sense of victory, like she finally did something that needed to be done, and is ready to move on.)

it’s not like yongsun expects, not at all.

byul brings her hand to her cheek, and it’s like she’s moving in slow motion, how her fingers graze her skin softly before fully cupping her face, her eyes flicking up and down like she’s trying to drink in the sight, which is - well, it’s stupid, because byul has seen yongsun a billion times. she’s /looked/ at yongsun a billion times, yongsun knows this, because she can tell the difference, knows when byul’s eyes are on her because she just happened to come across her way and when byul is truly watching her, taking her in. she’s looking at her now, properly, carefully, like it’s a delicate task that cannot be rushed, and it makes yongsun’s breath speed up a bit.

there’s not much room between them and yongsun doesn’t know a whole lot about physics but velocity equals distance over time and it’s too slow and the distance feels infinite and this definitely feels like overtime, and she’s about to say something when byul’s lips are on hers.

yongsun kisses her first girl at twenty five and it feels like coming up for air after being underwater for her entire life.

it is only then, when byul pulls away and stares at her with hazy eyes, that yongsun gets how terrible of an idea this entire thing is.

  
  
  
  


 

the water’s freezing when she steps into the shower the morning after, and yet it’s still gentler than the harsh truth yongsun’s been trying to process since The Kiss™.

so she’s a little bit in love with byul. it happened somehow without her realizing it, and now the feeling has grown too big and too comfortable in her heart and there is nothing she can do to remove it. sure, she could’ve stopped herself from doing something as stupid as begging the girl she’s got the most massive crush on to pretend to date her, but that didn’t happen so there’s no point in giving it too much thought. it’s done. she’ll have to deal. it’s fine. she’s got this.

she closes her eyes, the water starting to warm up and leans her forehead on the wall as she thinks back to that stupid kiss, and how stupidly soft byul’s lips were on hers, how perfectly they fitted together, and wonders if drowning in the shower is a viable option.

it’s ridiculous, because she’s known byul for - god, she doesn’t even remember anymore, but it’s been years of being the best of friends, and now that she thinks back on all of it under the light of her most recent breakthrough, it seems obvious. she can’t pinpoint the exact day and time she fell in love, but the more she thinks about it, the more certain she is it was a week after first meeting her, at the latest. which means she’s been in love for years. which means she’s liked girls for years.

it isn’t until she hears a knock on the doors that she realizes she’s just groaned a little less quietly than she intended to, and it probably sounded like she’d had some sort of shampoo accident.

“do you need help, unnie,” byul asks from the other side of the door, and her voice is coated in sleep and concern. yongsun might cry. 

“yah, i’m alright, go back to sleep,” she replies, trying to sound calm. or annoyed. or something, anything that isn’t uncontrollably fond. she fails.

there’s a rumble and something that’s probably meant to be an answer but byul’s never been a morning person and yongsun breathes out when she figures she’s back in bed already.

“get your shit together, kim yongsun,” she mutters to herself, finally removing her forehead from the wall and standing up straight. “your parents raised you better than this,” she adds, nodding and trying not to think of how ridiculous she is, talking to herself like a crazy person.

when she gets out of the bathroom, towel firmly wrapped around her body, she finds byul sprawled over the bed like a starfish. her hair’s in the messiest bun, a cheek pressed against the pillow, and yongsun can’t help but stare for a moment because she’s seen byul asleep a thousand times before, and now she realizes she’s also looked at her without realizing it. it’s bizarre, watching the way her shoulders lift so subtly when she breathes out, how her eyelashes flutter against her cheeks, and knowing she’s paid attention to all these details before, and called it friendship.

it could’ve been, yongsun knows this. she has close friends, friends she loves more than life itself, even if they’re currently being gross and domestic and annoying. but this - she should’ve known. she doesn’t understand how she never knew, how she didn’t pay closer attention to the byul shaped hole that was being carved out in her heart, so far away from the place where she keeps her friends.

“is being creepy and staring while i sleep a part of your fake dating plan,” byul asks quietly, her voice slurring a little, and she blinks an eye open for a second, only to close it again so fast yongsun thinks she may have imagined it. “go put clothes on, it’s cold and your hair’s still wet.”

yongsun nods absently, the shock of being caught still lingering as she starts looking around for her clothes.

  
  
  


 

they have a photoshoot in the morning and then a performance in the afternoon and then they’re flying back home, and yongsun is tired already just from thinking about it. the photoshoot is the easiest part usually, and they’re doing a lot of solo shoots for this one which means they have a lot of time to keep on napping while they wait for their turn.

except today isn’t as easy as that.

there’s room enough in the car that’s driving them to the location for everyone to be comfortably sprawled over their own seat, but instead byul’s sprawled over yongsun, and she’d like to think it’s her way of cooperating with her stupid fake dating plan, but really, it’s just what they usually do and that’s slightly worrying. her head’s on yongsun’s shoulder the entire ride, and she’s sleeping soundly so she doesn’t notice yongsun being weird under her and catching hyejin giving her weird looks. the car makes an abrupt movement and it’s out of instinct that yongsun reaches out to hold byul’s head so she doesn’t wake up, but the intense look hyejin gives her makes her stomach do a funny thing.

the photoshoot goes smoothly for the first part, when it’s hyejin’s turn, and then wheein’s, and yongsun and byul get to keep on napping for a while. byul’s up next, and yongsun could stay in their dressing room while she’s doing her shoot, but byul reaches out for her hand when she gets out of make up, finally looking like she’s woken up a tiny bit, and yongsun follows, as she’s always done.

there’s cameras trying to catch them being cosy backstage at all times, and it’s always been quite the selling point with them, how close they are. it’s complicated sometimes, because these girls are truly yongsun’s best friends, and having their fooling around being put on display as a way to grab attention from the public can feel - odd. like this could be fake. she knows it is fake sometimes, she’s met enough idols to know not everyone loves their group’s members as wholeheartedly as you’d think from watching them interact in front of a camera, and she worries about it, on some days.

(it’s a lot like this, like byul kissing her cheek while wheein is looking at them because they’re pretending to be doing a thing, to have these feelings, and now yongsun is so painfully aware of how real they are and faking them feels ridiculous but also so, so easy.)

yongsun blows kisses at her when she makes a particularly pretty pose, and byul turns a lovely shade of pink, making a noise that’s between an embarrassed giggle and an even more embarrassed chuckle. yongsun’s standing right behind the camera and she sees the picture they take and oh. oh, she’s beautiful. she’s always known this, but this is different, the way her heart fills up with warmth and pride and a bunch of other stupid feelings yongsun cannot think about right now.

she has absolutely no idea how she goes through her own shoot, especially when byul doesn’t stop making funny faces from behind the camera and making fun of her poses. 

“i gotta say, i thought you two were trying to prank us at first,” wheein says when they finally get back into the car, her fingers laced with hyejin’s so casually yongsun can’t help but be a little jealous. “but i hope you’re really happy, you know, i always did think you’d end up together.”

“how intense,” byul chuckles out, and yongsun’s so grateful for her speaking up because she’s currently trying to catch her breath again because what the fuck. has her fond been showing too much. did everyone else know she was in love before she finally caught up with all of them. was it always this hot inside this car. “we’re not getting married or anything, you know.”

“yet,” hyejin throws with a smirk that makes yongsun blush, but then she looks to her side and finds byul also raising her eyebrows like that may have been a bit too much for everyone involved and can her friends stop for a second please and thank you. 

“can we change the subject,” yongsun manages to mumble, and she hides her face in byul’s neck a little because they’re fake dating and all that, but mostly because it’s a safe place. always has been. “no one bothered you two this much and you were the ones who were being the grossest, so please.”

“aw, unnie’s embarrassed,” hyejin coos, reaching out to try and press a finger to her cheek, but byul catches her wrist.

“yah, let her be,” she laughs, but it sounds a tad annoyed and yongsun breathes out in relief because they all seem to catch it.

they leave her alone after that, and if byul is extra attentive after, helping her through their dance practice when yongsun nearly trips over her feet, and then holding her hand before they go on stage to perform, and then - there’s so many little things. none of them are all that new, they’ve been doing all of this since they first started, and maybe the only thing that’s changed is that when byul kisses her cheek in a rush when they get off stage, yongsun doesn’t squeal or try to move away. instead, she blushes and leans a bit closer, nuzzling her neck with her nose as the adrenaline starts to wear off.

“i’m so tired but so awake,” byul groans as she plops down on their bed the second they get to their room. performing is always a thrill, the nerves, the excitement, it always feels like an out of body experience, no matter how many times they do it. the stage can be exhausting but it also leaves them feeling high and dizzy, especially when the fans chant like they did tonight, when there’s so many screams after every high note.

“you were amazing today,” yongsun whispers, looking around for her pijamas because it’s easier to say these things when she’s not looking at her.

“thanks,” byul smiles, rolling so she’s lying on her back. “i feel like i could sleep forever but also like i could go out and climb a mountain.”

yongsun laughs at that, and when she turns to look at her she finds byul making grabby gestures at her, and she doesn’t hesitate before jumping on the bed next to her. pijamas can wait.

“how about me,” she asks after a beat, knocking her shoulder against byul’s. “did i do good.”

byul gets up on one elbow, staring down at her, and when she turns her entire body is pressed up against yongsun from head to toe. everything feels too warm all at once, and she’s always thought byul was at her sexiest when dancing on a stage, but this - this sleepy look, a shirt too big for her hanging off her shoulder, eyes wide and intense - this is a sight yongsun wants to remember forever.

“you were perfect,” byul says, and she’s chewing on her lip as she stares down at yongsun, and suddenly all yongsun can think about is the night before, and how those lips felt against hers. “you always are,” she adds after a moment, and it’s almost like she breathes out the words, so quietly yongsun wouldn’t have heard them if she hadn’t whispered them right against her mouth. 

it isn’t planned this time, and there’s no actual reason for byul to be kissing her, but yongsun melts into it and decides she doesn’t have to think about it, she can just kiss her back.

she kisses her back gently, and then byul’s leg gets tangled with hers and yongsun’s tongue slips out of her mouth without her permission. byul’s lips part and then she’s licking into her mouth and there’s nothing gentle about the way she licks behind her teeth, catching byul’s lower lip in hers.

they kiss and kiss and then they kiss some more and yongsun can’t remember how to breathe but it’s alright because she doesn’t really need to, this is better. she can feel byul everywhere, setting her skin on fire without even touching her, and this bit she didn’t consider. she’s only just starting to come to terms with being in love, but she’d forgotten about this part, about how she’s always thought byul’s body was amazing and she may not have been entirely aware of how badly she wanted to touch it, feel it on hers, have it tremble under her fingers. 

she freezes when byul stops kissing her, pulling away as she breathes heavily, foreheads pressed together. it’s terrifying, not knowing what’s gonna happen now, but byul looks at her with eyes darker than she’s ever seen, and it’s a relief because they look as heavy with want as yongsun feels, so maybe she does know what’s gonna happen next.

(that is also scary, everything about this is scary, but yongsun will deal with that later.)

byul takes over easily, yongsun pliant under her hands as she kisses her jaw, and then the crook of her neck, and licks across her collarbones. yongsun’s hands are hesitant but they find their way under her shirt still, too eager to /touch/ to worry about much else.

she closes her eyes when she feels byul’s hands lifting her own shirt and her lips planting soft kisses on her stomach, and she might be trembling a little too much because byul comes to a stop when she reaches her hipbone, looking up at her with a frown.

“i, uh,” yongsun breathes out, and there’s so much she could say, so many things they should probably talk about before this goes any further. there’s so much at risk, and she really wishes she was drunk or something so she could blame it on something other than recklessly wanting to be touched by the girl who’s stolen her heart without her noticing it. she doesn’t even fully understand why byul is doing this, but she’s always touchy when they get off stage, and maybe this is fine by her, maybe she doesn’t think two friends helping each other out when they have steam to blow off is much of a big deal. maybe she’ll be fine in the morning, while yongsun is tearing her hair out in the shower, she might wake up feeling relaxed and ready to take on the trip home. maybe yongsun should find out. maybe she shouldn’t be doing this when her heart is on the line. maybe she should say all of this. “i’ve never had anyone, uh.”

byul gasps and she looks so shocked yongsun wants to crawl under something and die of embarrassment.

“but,” she starts saying, raising her eyebrows. “but, you’ve - boys? no?”

yongsun shakes her head, and her hands fly up to cover her face because god, this is embarrassing and discussing her feelings would’ve been easier than listening to byul laugh about this.

“oh no, no, babe, come on,” she says, and yongsun should say something about how she’s still older and deserves some more respect, but babe creeps into her heart and it makes the pool of heat in her tummy intensify until she can’t think anymore. byul takes her hands away from her face and leans in to press butterfly kisses all over her cheeks until yongsun’s squirming and laughing. “don’t you worry, okay, i’m gonna help you fix that,” she mumbles against her skin, and then there’s a hand slowly caressing the inside of her thigh and yongsun’s brain stops working.

  
  
  
  


 

it’s four am when yongsun jolts awake. they have to get on a plane in three hours and a half and she needs at least another hour of sleep, but it’s like her mind had been asleep since the photoshoot and it’s suddenly come to life, sending all the warning signs it didn’t bother sending when byul’s lips pressed warmth to her skin.

ah.

fuck.

that’s a thing that happened.

byul is pressed up to her side, half naked, and yongsun’s heart is jamming against her ribcage like it wants to break free and run for the hills. it is her first instinct, if she’s being honest - she could get up and gather her things and go crash in hyejin’s and wheein’s room, put some distance between them, pretend nothing happened and pray things will magically work themselves out without her having to actually take risks or do anything.

it isn’t the brightest plan, but it sounds very tempting, and yongsun can already feel her brain starting to come up with excuses as to why it wouldn’t necessarily be a coward move, so she sits up and reaches for her phone. she looks at byul’s sleeping form stir a little when she gets up, and she could be losing so much if she fucks this up. she can’t let her dumb heart be the one in charge of making decisions, but her head is also terrified, so she needs help. she needs someone with an outsider’s perspective, but also someone who knows her well.

she locks herself up in the bathroom, and waits for him to pick up.

“yes,” he says at last, and he sounds like he’s still profoundly asleep, but as always, he doesn’t sound mad or annoyed, just. ready to listen.

“eric, hi,” yongsun whispers into the phone, relaxing against the door. his voice always helps when she’s freaking out, and now that she thinks about it, that should have been another sign. how she learned to love him so much, because he’s honestly such a great guy, and he was so ready to turn facts into fiction but she just - well, she never liked him like that. not in the least. “i’m sorry for waking you up, but i have a bit of a situation.”

there’s rustling on the other side of the line, and yongsun can almost picture him sitting up in the bed, brushing his eyes trying to gather his wits enough to be helpful.

“you sound like you’re in a big ass crisis, but sure, tell me about your tiny situation,” eric laughs on the other end of the line, and as she frowns at the phone, yongsun thinks maybe that’s yet another reason why she never did fall in love for eric nam. dumbass. 

“how did you know - ah, this might be a shitty thing to ask,” she hesitates, chewing on her bottom lip.

“you didn’t wake me up in the middle of the night to back out on your question,” eric deadpans but he sounds patient, like it would actually okay if she did.

“when you, uh. when you told me about that thing, after the show ended, how did you know?” she asks slowly, resting her cheek on her hand as she waits for him to answer. she expects there to be a long pause and possibly no answer because honestly, calling someone at four am to ask how they realized they were in love with her after she rejected them is awful of her, she knows it.

“are you asking me how i knew i was in love with you?” eric asks, and there’s a hint of amusement in his voice. “you’re really something, kim yongsun, you know?” he laughs, and yongsun thinks he’s not gonna answer and she’s ready to apologize but then he keeps on talking, says, “i didn’t just /know/, i don’t think it works like that. i felt - i don’t know, i felt all sorts of things for you, and then one day you were sitting across from me at a table slurping on soup, and i just. i felt i wouldn’t mind doing that forever, you know?”

yongsun feels bad, so bad, but she needs to know more.

“but then - like, when i started thinking about it, about all the things i wanted to do with you, and realized i wanted to do all the things with you while holding your hand, that also made me realize you already had someone you were gonna do all those things with, so it didn’t hurt as bad when you turned me down because i had seen it coming,” he says it slowly, and the entire time yongsun is chewing on her thumb. it might have started to bleed somewhere in the middle of that long speech. “that’s why you’re calling, right? you realized?”

“don’t sound so smug,” yongsun says, and she means to sound teasing, or tough, or like she’s rolling her eyes, but instead she seems to be crying. she has no idea when that happened, but there are tears on her cheeks and her voice comes out a little broken. “fuck. i just - i can’t believe everyone else knew but me.”

“i wouldn’t say everyone else,” eric says gently, and she knows what he means without him having to say it, but he says it anyway because he knows she needs to hear it. “you should tell her. moonbyul-i, she needs to know.”

“i don’t think she - ah, eric. how did you say those things, when you knew i was gonna say no?” she asks, and now she doesn’t bother hiding her sobs.

“she’s not gonna say no,” he says, and it’s nice to hear it, but she can’t trust him on this one. “but i thought you needed to know, so it would be easier for us to move on from that and get to be friends.”

“if i tell her and she says no, it’s gonna fuck up our entire friendship,” yongsun states like it’s a fact, because it feels like that, and when eric laughs at her she gets it.

“it didn’t fuck us up,” he says and he sounds wise and certain and maybe yongsun should take his word on this one. it is why she called him in the middle of the night after all. “tell her, and call me after - it’d be nicer if it was during the day, but i’ll pick up whenever.”

yongsun laughs shakily at this, and she’s so grateful for him, that she got to keep him after everything. maybe she can keep byul too, even if it isn’t the way she wants to.

“doesn’t it hurt,” she asks after a long silence, hoping eric hasn’t fallen asleep on her just yet. “having to see me, talk to me, try and be friends when you wanted more, wasn’t it awful?”

“a bit, at first,” eric concedes. “but it didn’t last long, i just had to work on turning that love into - well, a different kind of love.”

yongsun’s entire being is yelling at the thought because no, she doesn’t want that, she doesn’t ever wanna go back to before she knew, but. if it was her last resort, if it came to that or losing byul - if eric did it, maybe she can too. 

“yongsun,” eric says, snapping her out of it. “just, think about this, okay. it’s a risk, but think about how worth it it will be if it works out.”

yongsun takes a deep breath, closing her eyes, and images from hours ago play out in her brain. byul gasping out her name, eyes shut tight. byul kissing her forehead as they crawled under the sheets, all gross and sweaty and still pressed up together. byul smiling at the camera and cracking up at her funny faces. byul, byul, byul. always byul.

“yeah,” she whispers at last, still not daring open up her eyes. “you’re right, yeah. sorry for waking you up.”

“good night, princess,” eric smiles into his phone, she can almost see it all the way from over here. “and good luck.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


the plan is perfect in yongsun’s head. she sneaks back into bed, and wakes byul up with a kiss and a love confession. byul says she loves her back. they kiss some more.

in reality, what happens is she falls asleep in the bathroom, her phone still in her hand, and she wakes up to byul sneaking out of the room, a look in her face she can’t quite figure out, but she certainly doesn’t look pleased. so that’s how things are, it seems. yongsun has royally fucked up by sleeping with her best friend and then not being there when she woke up, and she’s pretty sure she’s done other things wrong too, because as much as she’s trying to stay in denial over it, she may have seen tears on byul’s face.

brilliant.

so she slept with her best friend who she’s desperately in love with and made her cry. honestly, she couldn’t be more thrilled about this development in her life.

it’s an early flight back to korea, and yongsun pretends she doesn’t notice byul sitting on the other side of the car, and then she also definitely doesn’t notice byul throwing herself in the window seat next to hyejin’s, like that doesn’t mean third wheeling like a champ, leaving yongsun with her managers and their worried faces.

this has never happened before, and yongsun doesn’t know where to start fixing it because the truth is, besides how badly she wants to make byul look at her again instead of staring at her feet every time she walks by, her own heart has been shattered and it’s making it hard to think straight.

she thought something had happened. something good, something that they both wanted, something they wouldn’t regret. she was wrong, and the second she lands back in korea, she’s gonna drive over to eric stupid face nam’s and kick his ankles real hard because how dare he lie to her like that, with his stupid promises that everything would be alright. she can only imagine how bad it would have been if she had confessed, god, she would have had to quit the band or something. 

(she doesn’t have to quit the band now - right? surely this will pass. surely her heart will stop breaking into smaller pieces with every second that goes by, and maybe her and byul can go back to being acquaintances one day. hopefully.)

there is so much to be dealt with, hyejin’s glances, wheein’s constant nudging trying to get her to say something, byul’s deafening silence - the fact that they’re all going back to the same home right now, so there’s only so much avoiding byul she can manage. instead, yongsun decides to put her headphones on as she gets off the plane, cranking up the first thing that comes on shuffle. they’re gonna be her new best friends, her headphones. they help her not think, and they wouldn’t cut her off after sleeping with her. probably. 

  
  
  


 

 

it’s three am when yongsun takes her headphones off for the first time since landing, and it’s mostly because she’s found out there’s no song in the world that doesn’t make her think of byul - byul rejecting her, byul being mad, byul being sad, byul being beautiful, byul kissing her thighs. not even instrumental music is enough to drown out her thoughts, and she’s been struggling all day but now it is the middle of the night and she’s so tired.

she doesn’t know how or when she started crying, but flying always leaves her feeling fragile, and losing her best friend contributes to the feeling, so yes, at three am she’s sitting cross legged on the floor across from the fridge, crying into a glass of milk.

it’s pathetic, and she’s pathetic, and she’s come to terms with that, alright?

it shouldn’t surprise her because every single time she’s been sad and awake in the middle of the night, she’s had arms around her and hands ready to pet her head, but tonight she wasn’t expecting byul to sleepily plop down on the floor next to her and steal her milk.

but she does, because she’s byul, and it’s yongsun, and she’s always gonna come for her.

“if you want, i can kick him,” byul says after a very long silence, giving back her milk. she’s still not looking at yongsun, but maybe that’s too much to ask right now. 

“i don’t know who you mean,” yongsun mumbles quietly, and she’s looking at her. she’s looking at her with as much intensity as she can muster, because she thought she might lose her best friend and now she’s realizing how dumb she was to even wonder if that was possible in some universe when it’s so, so clear that byul would never leave her. 

“dumbass nam,” byul says, and there’s so much spite in how she pronounces his name that yongsun is taken aback.

“what does he have to do with anything,” she asks, raising an eyebrow.

byul doesn’t say much for a while, and yongsun can almost see the engines working in her brain, even if she doesn’t fully grasp why.

“i saw your phone, last night,” she says at last. “i saw you called him after - well. i saw it.”

this next silence is heavier and now yongsun’s is the brain that’s going into overload because with the way she says it, byul has managed to make her feel guilty. it takes her a moment to remember she didn’t actually do anything wrong. 

“oh my god,” she gasps out when she finally snaps out of it, and then she’s laughing, and it’s bizarre enough to make byul look at her at last, bewildered. “oh my god, you thought - yah, i’m so sorry, god,” she’s trying to speak through her tears and chuckles and she’s not even thinking when she leans in and wraps her arms around byul, pulling her in, but god, she hurt her in such a dumb way, she needs to make up for it right away. “i’m so sorry, that’s not - i promise, it’s not what you think.”

“i don’t know what you mean,” byul attempts to say, but it’s muffled thanks to yongsun keeping her face buried on her neck, her hand on the back of byul’s head to keep her close.

“i was scared, oh god, we have so much to talk about,” yongsun says, still giggling, and she might have gone a little insane but there was so much tension inside her and so much sadness and now it’s all gone away momentarily and she feels like she’s just won at something. she finally lets byul go but only enough so that she can look her in the eye, grinning at her confused expression. “i didn’t mean to leave like that last night, i’m honestly so sorry about that, i was gonna go back to bed but then i fell asleep like an idiot and my entire plan fell through.”

“unnie, you’re not making any sense,” byul says patiently, and there’s a tiny spark that yongsun thinks might be made of hope glinting in her eyes.

“eric is a friend, and i wanted to ask him - i wanted to know how he’d known he was in love for real, that one time,” she says, trying to sound a bit more coherent now because it is so important that byul gets this. “i wanted to make sure, because we’d just done something reckless and we were gonna be risking so much and i wasn’t sure at all, but i had this feeling - and then talking to him, i was certain that even if you didn’t feel it, it was a risk worth taking, you know? like, i was gonna go back and say i love you when you woke up and even if you had turned me down, it would’ve been okay - it definitely would’ve been better than this lame mess we got ourselves into.”

she speaks so fast and wanting to get everything out in the clear, and she doesn’t notice what she’s said, has no idea why byul’s eyes look like they’re about to turn into full moons.

“you - you love me,” byul states, looking dazed. yongsun did not mean to say that, not like this at least, but now it’s out there and she doesn’t think taking it back will help anyone, so she goes for it and nods fervently. “unnie, you’re the worst, why did you fall asleep in the middle of your dumb romantic gesture?” she asks and it’s more high pitched than yongsun’s ever heard, and the way she slaps her arm has exactly zero heat to it. possibly the way she’s scooting up closer isn’t helping her if she’s actually pretending to be mad.

“i’m sorry,” yongsun says quietly, smiling at her.

“you better be,” byul rolls her eyes, reaching out to put her hands on yongsun’s cheeks, gently grazing them with her thumbs. “unnie, that was a terrible love confession.”

“i already said i was sorry,” yongsun laughs, “should i say it again?”

“yes.”

“i love you.”

byul stares at her like she’s considering it, weighing it in her mind, trying to figure out if she’s still asleep or not.

“i love you too,” she says quietly. “but i meant you should apologize again,” she adds after a beat, sending yongsun into another laughing fit. she breaks it by kissing her through her giggles, and this time, everything about it feels beautifully real.

(hyejin and wheein never find out it wasn’t real at first - and on second thought, yongsun thinks it may have been real all along.)

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> find me on [twitter](http://twitter.com/ofstellardust)


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